Children and Young People

Children and young people are often directly and indirectly affected by domestic violence and abuse. They are the largest group of individuals living with domestic violence and abuse. Like adults, they are individuals who may react in many different ways.

They are generally dependent on the adults around them. There can be negative physical and emotional effects if they do not feel safe in their home. Children’s and young people’s experiences may include the following -

• witnessing violence and abuse
• listening to violence or abuse
• trying to protect the non abusing parent from violence and abuse
• being abused themselves
• not getting the attention and support from their non abusing parent because the perpetrator is preventing them from spending time with them
• being pressurised or made to participate in the abuse
• being made homeless by domestic violence and abuse
• losing contact with friends, family, school due to domestic violence
• non attendance at school
• fear and emotional distress at what is happening but no outlets for this

It’s estimated that in any class of thirty children, between two and four are living with domestic abuse. This has been evidenced in Hull though the work undertaken in schools. Children may not be aware of this, and may feel isolated, frightened, and ashamed which might prevent them from talking to someone. They may also be very frightened and don’t know who they can trust.

It can be very frightening and confusing for children and young people, who love both their parents, to understand and make sense of a situation where one parent is hurting the other. The abusive parent may also blame and belittle the other parent, sometimes encouraging children or siblings to take part, so that the child or young person has a very unclear picture of who is responsible for the problems in their family unit. Younger children might understand the situation in simple terms, i.e. “my daddy’s angry because my mummy did something wrong”, or “because I am naughty and cant behave myself”. In this way, the abuse makes it harder for the child to have a positive and healthy relationship with the non-abusing parent. Sometimes children and young people are targeted by the abuser, who may threaten or treat them harshly, this is done deliberately to scare the other parent under control. This is very frightening for both the child, young person and none abusing parent.

When family relationships break down because of abuse, the changes themselves can be very traumatic for a child and young person. They may have to flee their home, leaving toys, pets, school and family and friends behind. They may move into a hostel, B&B, or refuge or sleep on family or friends’ floors. They may often return home and leave again several times before leaving for the final time.

“I’m very happy now and so are my children, so different from what they were, they’ve come out of their shells and have settled in school and are doing great”