Male victims

It can be especially hard for men experiencing abuse to seek support and assistance. You may feel confused and ashamed of the situation and fear that others would not believe you. However experiencing violence and abuse as a man, does not mean that you are weak. It takes a lot of strength and self-control not to retaliate and respond either verbally or physically against someone, especially if you are physically stronger than them. Always try to avoid retaliating as this could lead to the situation escalating and somebody gets seriously hurt. Try to leave the situation when you recognise the signs and triggers from your partner and feel that they may become violent or abusive to you.

You might stay in a harmful relationship to support your partner, hoping they will change, or to protect your child(ren), and endure years of suffering as a result. Always living in fear of violence and abuse has a massive impact on your confidence and self-esteem and can make it really difficult to see a way out of the situation. As fewer men suffer long-term domestic abuse you may feel especially isolated and see no way out of the situation.

“Coming into this you may feel really sceptical and a little like you don’t want support. You may feel like you know what is going to be covered, but stick with it, you will be surprised.”

Domestic abuse is about power and control and can happen in all types of relationships, but in an abusive relationship the dominant partner actively chooses to use violence and abuse to intimidate, frighten, punish and control the other partner. They may be remorseful, sorry and promise to change, but they are always responsible for how they behave and it is not your fault. Domestic abuse is always wrong, there are no excuses.

You may feel that there is no advice, support and help for men in abusive relationships and you have few options, however this is not the case, professionals will take allegations of violence and abuse seriously and can listen to your story and help you make sense of the situation. Social attitudes are changing and, as people start to understand domestic abuse better, you might be surprised at how supportive agencies, family and friends can be.

You can contact the men’s worker at Hull DAP on 613978 to get support and advice. The types of advice and support he can offer may include -

• emotional support
• housing advice
• legal options
• safety planning
• support to access emergency accommodation
• support to attend appointments
• signposting to other agencies

“You will definitely feel tired at times as you reflect on things, but keep going. You are a better person for getting help.”